Bridal Barbie (...and what's wrong with America)

The other day my friend sent me a link to a Barbie game. Yes, my friend was an adult. And no, we don't still play with Barbies. She discovered the website after finding her 6 year old niece playing the game on her computer.  To her credit, she immediately asked her if they could play something else.  Based on my reaction to the link she supplied, it is very clear why she and I are friends.   I suspect most of you are going to think this is an entirely unnecessary rant, where, as usual, I’m overreacting.  So, are you intrigued yet? I bet you’re assuming I’m stepping onto my soapbox and bitching about body image and somehow linking this to that that crazy woman who actually tried to turn herself into a real life Barbie... Oh the things I would rather spend $800,000 on) and I bet you’re preparing yourself for an uneducated analysis of the extent to which that sort of behavior and those sort of images damage not just her but any young girl who reads about her endeavors.   Well, I could certainly write a separate post on that (and perhaps someday when it is no longer even remotely relevant – since that’s how I tend to do things – I will write that post but the level of that insanity has been digested to death and frankly I don’t care enough) so my focus today is a bit different.

So, here it is - the game was an online Barbie bridal/wedding planner sort of thing. The official title was something along the lines of a super wedding stylist.  I have the link open on my computer and could easily confirm the actual title, but it’s really not the point and I’m actually THAT lazy.  You too can be a beautiful bride, is the gist of the message, and the "game" allows a child to design her wedding accessories. The game, in my humble opinion, presents a fairly interesting example of one of the many things wrong with this country. And here's why. Step 1 of the game asks the player (as I’ve stated, in this case a 6 year old child, though I'm assuming the oldest female playing an online Barbie game caps out at about 9 or 10.  I can't clearly recall when I lost my appreciation for the Barbie culture- but in any event the player is a young girl [or boy, I'm not intending to limit this to gender roles though that also leads to a different post]) to design your ring, your dress and your cake. 

The dress and the cake I’m not quite as offended by.  Young girls have been playing “make believe wedding” for decades, centuries even (I don’t have time to research and discover a start date for this behavior) and such playtime included a white dress and a veil (and in my dress-up bin, some fake pearls, white gloves – yeah, we were high class in Hurley, and if I recall correctly a weirdly long strand of white lace that I assume at one point belonged to something not intended for the dress-up bin), as the obvious necessities of any good make believe wedding.  So I would be amiss to suggest this online bride design station was instilling some new sort of wedding dress voodoo in the children of today. 

The cake I can’t really complain about either because, really, who doesn’t like cake?  And more so, who doesn’t like pretty cakes?  And, if I supported making a plate of fudgey, gooey, half cooked goodness in your E-Z Bake oven as an acceptable childhood activity akin to being a ‘chef’ or rather ‘baker’, I don’t see the real harm in designing a picture perfect delicacy for your fake wedding.  Plus, the cake part retains a certain level of childhood innocence and Disney princess (if you will) inspiration when selecting your options.  For example, in my “research” for this piece, I designed a delightful, three-tiered, heart-shaped, pink cake bedazzled with jewels and rhinestones.  Yum.  You’ll note, this looks to be remarkably in line with something a 5 year old should design and not a 30-something (though to be fair, in this case, the idea of a planning a wedding requires the same level of make believe fantasy…again, I digress). 

So, that leaves the ring.  And here’s where I died a little inside (this time on behalf of the younger generation and not as a result of some horrifically, mortifying thing I said or did).  What’s my issue with the ring?  Thanks for asking, I have a few.  First of all, holy materialism batman.  I don’t recall the ring being an intricate part of my make believe weddings as a child and if there was a ring it was only because someone smarter than me thought to bring a ring pop or a treasure from the 25 cent machine outside of Shop Rite.  Second of all, the designing of the ring is eerily similar to that website we all happily designed our rings on in the mid 2000’s.  I can’t recall if it was a Zales or a DeBeers or something entirely different, but that’s hardly relevant.  That website was intended for adults (and was highly utilized by whatever the hell post-college graduates should be described as, who may or may not have even been in a relationship but at least feasibly could have been on the verge of engagement and if we grew up in rural America and hadn’t "wasted" our time on college in the first place likely would have been married) actually designing their desired engagement ring.  I recall sitting in a friend’s basement and taking turns on the computer to all design our dream ring.  I wish I’d kept my print-out to compare it to my taste now (as based on my Barbie bride design creation...yes, I kept playing).  But, the thing is, (a) I was actually embarrassed of my behavior then and (b) girls will be girls and by 22, we can all appreciate a little bling.  My concern is that a six year old child should not even slightly care about the size of the rock, unless of course the rock is an actual rock from outside and she is using it as an art project (side blog #3 – get off the computer kids!).  

And the list continues.  I can assure you, that when I was 7 I did not know the difference between diamond shapes and cuts or the that there was even something called a pear-shaped diamond.  Actually, I still am not really sure what anything is called (that's not true, I’ve been living in America long enough –my whole life - where I have no choice but to have these details memorized but I still can’t bring myself to really care the way I apparently should) and so I recently described my sister’s ring as a circle and received exasperated looks by every female in the room before I corrected myself and described the ring in accurate detail with well-placed oohs and ahhs.  But this game asks the child to start by picking their ring shape.  Next, comes the style (modern, classic, 3-ring…I‘m serious) and then the size.  Yes, this toddler raised in a bigger is clearly better society is now shown various ring sizes and asked to select one.  I’m confident that most choose the smallest option.  Or, wait, no.  At 6, the only type of carat I knew was orange and was mostly found pushed around my plate or was used as a nose on a snowman (I wasn’t the biggest fan of eating carrots back then).  In Barbie-land the ring can be as big as 4 carats and fear not ladies, Barbie didn’t skip a beat, with each increased ring size (highlighted on Barbie’s perfectly manicured finger) the shine factor increases exponentially.  Just in case you weren’t sure if you wanted to go big.  Those sick bastards. 

Finally, and yes I realize I am reading way too far into this seemingly harmless activity, but at no point is there a mention of an actual marriage.  My beef (said the vegetarian) is the way this site embraces and advocates for the whole crazy wedding culture that has become the norm in this country.  For our parents generation, the wedding was about marriage.  For us, all too often it seems marriage is a (hopefully) happy aftermath of the best party your friends and family will attend this year(!).  There is just so much emphasis on this quest for a perfect party and the desire to show off the hardware.  The multi-million dollar wedding industry covers everything from the rings, to flowers, to caterers, to music, to dresses and each wedding you attend seems a little like its competing with the last one you went to.  And I’m not suggesting they are not fun or that we don’t appreciate a truly beautiful wedding.  I’m not even suggesting you shouldn't want all of these things and would happily direct you to an excellent wedding planner, but the costs of the wedding and the related events would send any average person into debt, and so debt has become an expected consequence.  This is simply how it is.  This is what we are expected to do.  It starts with a 5 figure engagement ring and doesn’t end until the last person leaves the after-party.  And while this all lends itself to an entirely other article as well (my second job as a bridesmaid....I'll write it eventually), the fact is a one day wedding (as was my understanding as a child…walk down the aisle, in a white dress,  say vows, groom kisses the bride, the end) has become, in reality, a minimum of 4 events.  We spend half a year celebrating someone and with a bar set that high, I imagine marriage itself might be a bit of a letdown to some people who were more infatuated with the wedding itself.   But, that is neither here nor there.  (And, I'm happy to report this is speculation, I'm not drawing from any of my particular friends and family in making this sort of accusation.).

I acknowledged earlier that weddings have been something young girls have dreamt about from an early age and so it is not this concept that I find so insulting.  Instead, it is the designing of the items that should be incidental and not the focus for young girls.  So often this focus seems to get lost, as is – with grown ass women - when people get caught up in the whole planning process, but it is sinful to start molding these young girls in this direction.  The website starts this "groom optional" way of thinking (it doesn't really...I'm getting out of hand here).  Here gals, plan your perfect dress and shiny finger accessory and find any poor schmuck to play the role of the faceless tuxedo-ed cake topper.  While I recognize this is a similar approach taken by some girls I may know at this stage of life, at the age of 7, it’s a little too early to give up on the idea of Prince Charming.  In a society that already forces girls to grow up too quickly, it is a shame to take away another aspect of innocence.  At 6, we watched Cinderella.  We read fairy tales.  And while I’m quick to argue those activities set us up for unreasonable expectations, at least happily ever after instills the idea of ‘ever after’ and focuses on marrying your prince, not just on the spectacular event and your shiny accessories. 

As sort of an aside (and this would be a footnote if I knew how to make footnotes), I should mention that there is also a ‘careers’ tab on this website that encourages young girls by proclaiming they can be whatever they want to be.  It then proceeds to give various examples.  I assume it is no coincidence that lawyer, finance executive, sales, or accountant - to name a few - were not featured professions.  Barbie understood gender roles and clearly was not a New Yorker.  I feel perhaps I underestimated Mattel and its ability to shape America’s youth by somehow keeping Barbie’s careers as those that allow her to maintain an air of sexy and demure while still claiming a platform for female empowerment.  Well played Mattel. (And yes, I realize I’m going off on a whole topic I promised I wouldn’t touch today, but as I get deeper in the  Barbie internet I can’t help it.  I’m also a little concerned what my IT department is going to think of my search history today) .  My (oh so wise) friend who alerted me to this Barbie interweb phenomenon in the first place pointed out that a similar section interviews successful, gorgeous woman on how they got where they are (again with the “you too can do it” theme).  I should emphasize that my use of the word “ gorgeous” was not an accident and therefore suggests the importance of beauty no matter where you go in life.  Sorry ugly ducklings, it does not get better after high school.  Oh crap, where did that soapbox come from?, I thought I put it away.  Anyway, one of the women interviewed was a pediatrician (notably not a surgeon, I suspect that belongs in my list above) but my wise friend points out that they left out the fact that she's probably not married and doesn't have time to date and chances are her success intimidates men.  (so there’s that).   You may recall this train of thought from a prior post or more likely from a recent notable article suggesting that women can’t have it all.  It’s an interesting piece if you haven’t read it, but my intention here is not to suggest whether or not I agree with that sentiment (I do.  Wholeheartedly.  And, also, I’m wildly jealous of her career path and her ability to come pretty damn close to having it all...in my opinion).  Instead, my point in bringing up this extra section of the website was actually to acknowledge it was not simply a web address for bridezillas in training, and point out there were some good messages available if you are willing to look.  Though as no good deed goes unpunished, I clearly still found cause to tear it apart. 

Oh hey, still here?  Well, if you stayed with me this long, I assume you may want to check this whole website out for yourself.  Here you go - Barbie Game