Monday, June 11, 2012

Musings of a 30-year old. On what I've learned...

The big 3-0 really lends itself to self-reflection and so in an effort to distract myself from the impending doom of old age and the onset of 30-something depression, I decided to take a moment and think about some of the things I've learned.  I intended to come up with a solid 'top 10' and ended up with 45. Even I recognize that 45 might be too many, so it’s 30 for 30 folks (and this means despite what I would tell you on a normal day – apparently I have learned a lot.  Implementing life lessons is an entirely different discussion, of course.)  You may disagree with half of them (in fact, you probably should), but they are a series of facts (some that are somewhat deep and some that are painfully stupid) I've acknowledged at this point...as they apply to me.  Because a clean and straightforward list really isn't my style, I've naturally expanded on the "lessons" with the sort of running commentary of which I'm so fond.  Fear not, I'm not trying to compete with, or copy, the glamour list that's been making the rounds again - I mean let's be honest, I probably hate that list.

1.     There are very few things that a glass of red wine can't cure.  There are less things that 2-3 glasses can't cure.  

2.     I will never regret waking up early to go to the gym...but recognizing that will not stop me from hitting snooze 10 times tomorrow.

3.     It's okay to make mistakes.   And I will make plenty of them.  I already have.  This isn’t to say I will stop beating myself up over every detail of every wrong decision, missed opportunity or careless (or not so careless) error, but to err is human as they say.  I am not dismissing culpability and accountability in this dialogue, but acknowledging errors has never been my problem and at this stage I’m finally learning I need to give myself a break.

4.     Money can't buy happinessNot that I've been blessed with riches, but that much I've learned.  It can be a good place filler for a while and it can buy a lot of other things and provide a “comfortable lifestyle” that sometimes result in temporary feelings of happiness  (and god knows it I've tried retail therapy enough to know) but it turns out what they say is true – the real treasures in life have nothing to do with gold.

5.     Laughter truly is the best medicine.  After a bad day (week, month, year) laughing with a good friend is often the only thing that will really improve your mood.  It is often said that you have to be able to laugh at yourself.  I can and do often.   But, it is more fun, and probably healthier, when you laugh at yourself (and generally other people and things) with a hilarious friend.  At the end of a good jam session of laughter with one of your besties (this will be the only time I use the phrase bestie in a non-ironic sense, so embrace it), you generally can't even remember what you were down about in the first place.  If you can’t relate, you should probably make new friends.

6.     The grass is rarely greener on the other side, but knowing that won't stop you from wanting itI want it - whatever it is - SO bad.

7.     When you look better, you feel better.  This isn't to say I follow this mantra most days because the idea of waking up even 15 minutes earlier to do my hair or apply makeup seems like a real burden. But, I have to admit that on the days I manage to summon the energy to throw on some mascara and wear a cute outfit with heels, I feel a lot better than the days (most days) when I half-straighten my hair and leave my apartment in a probably somewhat frumpy (albeit comfortable) ensemble.

  7(a) Glasses are a great alternative to putting on eye makeupSo invest in a stylish pair of frames immediately.

8.     Dancing in front of the mirror is still the fastest way to shake a funk.  And yes, shake was a deliberate choice of word.  Raise your hand if you thought of me during that episode of “Girls”.  Oh, just one person? Fine, whatever.

9.     It's crazy to pretend you're not crazy.  By this I'm referring to the crazy girl syndrome, if you are indeed a crazy person it's actually quite understandable to feign sanity, though I assume that isn't in your best interests long-term.  What I'm saying is -if you're a girl someone will blame ‘crazy’ for at least one of your reactions.  Just accept it and move on.  It doesn't matter if you actually are or not, people will jump to that conclusion anyway, and misinterpret what you say or don't say.  You are emotional and dramatic and you probably overreacted despite the merits of your argument.  So don’t waste your time trying to disprove this gender role by putting yourself through a situation you would prefer to avoid in order to keep up appearances.  The good news is because this is such a deep-rooted and accepted cultural notion, you will generally be forgiven for your "irrationality."  So, stop worrying about how you look or how certain words or actions will be perceived and just roll with it, if you don't you will actually drive yourself crazy trying to convince people otherwise. We've all suffered through an awkward or downright painful situation because we didn't want to "appear" like a crazy girl who cared...and to be fair I probably didn't care that much...most of the time.  Then I grew up and realized "Girl, that shit is crazy!" (and let's be honest, you're probably not fooling anyone).  I now refuse to put myself in potentially uncomfortable situations and I assure you I'm doing everyone a favor by folding my cards.

10.  There are certain things that people say - even in the professional setting (like the phrase v-card) - that will make me chuckle like I'm 12, no matter how old I get.  I bet you’re now thinking of a few other examples of your own.

11.  A phone call is better than an e-mail.  An email is better than a text.  A text is better than facebook. Facebook is the devil.  Rinse and repeat.

12.  It's okay to be selfish.  Just don't be a douche.  The truth is you have to be selfish, it can be a cruel, cruel world out there and ain't nobody going to put you first if you don't (snap snap snap). I've had (we’ve all had) things taken from me by someone selfish enough to get what they wanted because I hesitated or tried to take the virtuous path.  The fine line exists between those people who did that to me whom I will never forgive for their treachery and for those situations for which I will never forgive myself for bowing out.  I've also suffered through plenty a thing that I should have just selfishly avoided in the first place.  Sometimes it’s hard to balance the desire to not hurt someone's feelings with the desire to not want to jump off a bridge when faced with a given situation.  So I've learned that at the end of the day (Worst. Expression. Ever.) you have to be selfish, but just don't be a douche.

13.  I should have my own television show...or at the very least a book deal.  (just had to sneak that in there for fun...but really, my life is clearly a sitcom).

14.  A first impression should be just that.  Let there be a second impression.  It's okay to make snap judgments about people, as long as you're willing to be proven wrong.  Of course, it’s probably better to not make those snap judgments in the first place, but I'm a realist.  I recognize there are many people I misjudged after first meeting and how different my life would be if I had not given them a second...or third...chance.

15.  Almost nothing is permanent.  For better or worse.  If you're in a bad situation it won't always be bad, and if you're in something great, don’t take it for granted.  This isn't to suggest you should live in fear or start conspiracy theories.  And on the flipside, it doesn't mean you should wait around for your situation to change.  It just means we all have to learn to appreciate the good in our lives and have faith that the bad will be replaced with something better (keep in mind better is a relative term, I'm not promising you a fairy-tale.  There are no knights in shining armor in NYC.   I know - you're thinking of that Disney movie "Enchanted.").

16.  My life won't magically be better 5lbs from now.  I'm pretty sure I was part of some bizarro live studio audience at Universal Studios for some failed NBC talk show (I'm not being elusive, I honestly have no idea what it was called) and we got a book with a title similar to that which I promptly used as a prop for an uneven table leg, but I've since found this statement to be true and yet I'm still not sure I'll believe it 2 months from now.  I've wanted to lose 5-10 lbs since I was approximately 8.  Oh, you didn’t already think you were fat at 8? Well, la di freakin da for you.  Over the years my weight has fluctuated and looking back at those times when I was 5-10 lbs lighter than I am right now, I admit I wasn't necessarily happier and of course, I still wanted to lose 5-10 lbs.  I've learned that eating healthy provides many benefits other than weight loss, that exercise is not just a means to an end and that an indulgent meal is well worth it on occasion.  I've accepted I'll never be as thin as I want to be and while I’ll keep striving for new goals and likely keep trying new diet and exercise fads, I won’t be defined by the number on the scale.

17.  No one has it all figured out.  No oneNope, not even that one person you're thinking of that always seem so god damn put together.  Or her mom.  Not even her mom.

18.  Empathy is underrated and there are few greater compliments than being considered a good friendSo don't take that role lightly, it carries tremendous responsibility.  I'm not saying I'm thankful for the things that have gone wrong, the hard times I've endured, the pain, the disappointment, the heartache (good lord re-reading that list warrants a #poorlittlerichgirlisagreatnailcolor or #firstworldwhitegirlproblems or something...luckily I don't tweet, but you know what I’m trying to say) -but it has made me a better person and it has made me appreciate things and people, which in turn has made me a better confidant and a good listener and those skills make me who I am.  I'm often the shoulder to cry on, the tough love guru or the bearer of objective advice and more than anything I've learned those roles are a privilege and not a burden. 

19.  I am stronger than most people give me credit for.  Period. End of story.

20.  Whatever you're feeling, there's a someecard for that.  And somehow those stupid cards have an incredible way of making you feel better about whatever it is.  Solidarity or something.  And I mean, whoever (first) made the "everything happens for a reason and sometimes that reason is you're stupid and make bad decisions" someecard is clearly my soulmate.  It’s a shame I don't believe in soulmates. 

21.  The ability to be by yourself and be okay by yourself is probably the most important life skill out there.  I have friends who I fear would literally die if they were forced to be on their own and while I truly hope I'll never have to find out if that's true, the reality is no one can predict the future and you have to know you’d be able to get by relying on just YOU and be comfortable being alone at times.  I’m not embracing this as a reason to stay alone and I’m not suggesting those times are not sometimes lonely, but the skills you ultimately discover and the inner dialogues you are forced to have should not be overlooked.  It's those alone times when you really learn who you are in the first place and until you know that, who's life are you living anyway?

22.  You can compromise your beliefs but eventually they'll catch up with you.  I'd prefer not to expand on the details of this life lesson.

23.  It's okay to be sad about the things you don't have.  It really is and it’s also okay to express that sadness.  Just find the right audience (some people lack the ability to relate, others will just make you feel stupid).  If you're like me, you often feel guilty when you’re in a funk because of all those things you should be grateful for (I believe health always tops the list. Which, I mean, meh.).  And while perspective is certainly important, it's okay to mourn for the things you want and a good cry every now and then can be better than therapy. 

24.  Everyone should have a hobby.  Seriously, get a hobby.  Remember back when you used to be interesting?  I'm sorry, that was presumptuous.  Perhaps you were never interesting.  But if you were, you probably had a hobby then.  We've become such a two dimensional society in so many ways.  Life isn't as cookie cutter as you think.  I'm tragically bored by so many of you. 

24(a) Yes, I know this is cheating.  I tried to sneak it in once already but by now you’re probably wise to me.  But here’s a little sub-truth as a push in one direction.  The greatest reward comes from giving a damn.  So if you’re without a hobby, find something your passionate about and try to make a difference.  Just try. 

25.  You actually do catch more bees with honey (or whatever that expression is).  So be nice to people.  Smile.  Say thank you.  If you're nice people will want to help you, rather than hang up on you or spit in your food.  However, I'm not denying there's also a time and a place to go into bitch-mode and you should never let someone take advantage of your niceness.   And sometimes no matter what approach you take, it just won’t matter.  (i.e. Time Warner).

26.  Most people, at their core, are good...and noble and compassionate, and if you let them, they will surprise you.  That is all.  I am constantly humbled by the goodness and generosity of others.  Thank you good people for melting my cold, cynical heart.

27.  Worrying won't get you anything but wrinkles.  From what I've heard anyway, my superior moisturizing routine (sarcasm) has allowed me to avoid any early onset wrinkles.  I am notorious for losing sleep as a result of something I have zero control over.  If a mistake was made, it was made and you'll somehow fix it (hopefully). Replaying conversations won't change what was said and going through 100 ‘what if’ scenarios will still not prepare you for the one thing that might actually go wrong. 95% of the time it's not as bad as you think it could be and then you lost years off your life for nothing.  But even if it is as bad as you're fearing, hours spent worrying won't change it, so go out and have a glass of wine and don't worry until it happens, or however that saying goes. (In sum, do as I say not as I do).

28.  Sometimes friendships fall apart.  You don't have to like it, but you have to accept it.  Sometimes you're to blame, sometimes no one is to blame.  Life is messy and complicated and sometimes growing up means growing apart.  Treasure those friendships you still have because relationships - all kinds of relationships - are what make life worth living.

29.  Everyone is a little bit racist. (or rather, prejudiced). Gasp. I know.  Naturally, as a state college educated sociology major I feel warranted in making that determination. But really, can't we just stop being so GDPC all the time and admit it already?  Everyone has prejudices, everyone makes snap judgments about certain demographics - for better or worse.   I bleed liberal blue to an obnoxious degree but I'll acknowledge the irrational reactions I've justified and then dismissed. Maybe someday the world will be a different place, but for now I’d argue it’s more important to not cling to those snap judgments that you’re inevitably going to make and let people prove you wrong, rather than concentrating so hard on saying the right thing.  Anyway, it's boring to be around people who only say the right thing. 

29(a) Sub-rule/Counter-rule (I know, I know, I’m cheating again): It's important to educate the ignorant, even if you fail, and you will likely fail.  Welcome to America folks.

30.  Life doesn't stop at 30 (or at least I hope it doesn't).  And it’s not too late to make changes, real changes, to find yourself, to find your happiness and to find where you should really be.


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