Every January 1, we make goals that most of us have no hope, or even intention, of acheiving and call them new years resolutions. Why? Are we all secretly masochists who like setting ourselves up for failure? Or do we truly believe that this year will be different, this will be the year we (start working out, stick to a budget, learn to salsa dance, start giving to charity, learn to cook without burning down the kitchen, etc.)? The best part is most of us do not even make realistic goals. We don't just say we will lose 5 lbs (the 5 lbs we gained over the holidays, for example), we step it up and say we'll lose 20, because it sounds more significant. Seems reasonable. Often, we make the same resolutions year after year (again, isn't this sort of like the definition of insanity?). And, we are looked at in dismay if we suggest we are skipping the whole resolution thing this year, because "everyone makes new years resolutions!" In fact, it's often one of those space filler conversation topics when you find yourself stuck talking to someone you realize you have nothing else to say to at a new years gathering or other function in early January. After an awkward pause, one of you will ask "so, what are your new years resolutions this year". We ask it as if we care. As if we expect the answer to be any different from the one we got from the last 10 people we polled. If its a girl, weight loss and exercise are near guarantees and if its a guy, working out (to get big and buff, of course) and something dealing with finances probably makes the list. One time I responded with the forbidden, "you know, I decided not to bother this year" and my shocked acquaintance inquired further, "really, theres nothing you want to change this year?" Nope, I've thought about it and I'm perfect. My life is perfect. The lives of all those around me are perfect. I have nothing to strive for. Really?! Of course there are things I want to improve, but I don't need an arbitrary day on the calendar to remind me of my flaws and shortcomings. And since this isn't my first rodeo I've come to accept that chances are just because I say out loud that I want to lose 10 lbs and give it the oh-so-important title of a resolution, does not mean I will, in fact, lose 10 lbs. Those changes come only as a result of real motivation like, when my pants no longer zip or my best friend gets married and I'm the only single bridesmaid (looking forward to that), not when December becomes January. And quite frankly if I was going to really reflect, look inward and determine what about me so desperately needed fixing this year, isn't is possible that might be just the sort of thing I wouldn't want to shout to the world. Hey world, here is a list of my insecurities and the things I want to change about myself, but I don't feel exposed because I've written them down under the underscored phrase 'New Years Resolutions', so its no big deal. Of course, recently more people seem to have embraced the no resolution resolution, so perhaps we are learning after all. As we've gotten older (and wiser) we've also started to carve out exceptions to make our resolutions more achievable. Most of my friends openly admit they are not starting their resolution on January 1st (because after a night of drinking, or on a day off in general, you are at much increased odds of breaking your resolutions on day 1). So instead, we start them on the monday after. We think this delay is a simple fix to all our years of failure. Generally, we are wrong. Or, as an alternative, we eliminate the rigid rules on the weekend. I'm on a diet, except from 5pm Friday through 9am Monday. While, this resolution tends to be remarkably easier to stick to courtesy of this weekly break, we get surprisingly frustrated when it results in a lack of, well, results. Last year, after consistently breaking my new years resolutions by the second week of January I made a list of 10 resolutions. I took a sort of playing the odds approach. Hell, even if I break 9 of them and keep 1 - well, that's a success story! At this point I have no recollection what the 10 were but I'm fairly certain I failed at all of them pretty much immediately. Generally speaking, when recounting our new years resolutions we don't even mention the fairly common "I'm never drinking again" promise made at some point between the blurred lines of December 31st and January 1st. We are a society used to making empty promises (see also, politicians), and new years resolutions are just an extreme form.
Truth be told, every year I vehemently root against many people in their "new year, new me" quests. It's not that I'm a mean-spirited person, it's just that as a year-round faithful gym rat, there are few things more irritating than the month of January. Suddenly, you spend 30 minutes waiting to use a mediocre machine, that the person before you will obviously neglect to clean, seeing as they aren't accustomed to the rules of the gym and all...and you can just forget about taking classes, those fill up long before they start and when you complain in exasperation that you've been taking this class for years, (foot stomp, pout) the gym attendee tells you something about reservations and a list (words words words). Inevitably most of these new years resolution bandwagon gym-goers will start to fall off by mid February. But, that's a long 6 weeks for those of us who are used to just walking into our morning spin class with no call ahead and a mere 5 minutes to spare. I also sometimes root against my friends. It's not because I don't want them to succeed, I do, but I know they won't (I'm a realist) and it gets pretty lonely drinking and eating alone before welcoming them back with open arms. This goes along with the all or nothing unreasonable goals though. I have full confidence that they could drink less or eat better but instead they swear off alcohol altogether (which in turn, makes me feel like an alcoholic drinking alone, selfish selfish) and refuse to go to restaurants for fear it will jeopardize whatever extreme diet they've decided to try. Don't get me wrong, I'm all for bettering yourself and sometimes, even, reinventing yourself (whatever that means). Hell, I'm frequently guilty of the chop my hair for a new look, a new me instant gratification. I just think such a reinvention should be a result of some real reflection or realization or desire for change that results from something, anything, not just because everyone else is doing it (see also, cults). A favorite resolution is from friends who say they will get engaged this year. Oh really?, is that a threat or a promise? Are you proposing an ultimatum? Because, I've heard nothing but good things about those (sarcasm). Or even better, are you Charlotte from Sex and City, and going for hook, line and sinker in a year, because I'm pretty sure that statement worked out splendidly for her (her being a fictional character, of course) and that's not even to mention the obvious glaring red flags involved with such a proclamation. But hey, you go get him girl! Other friends have resolved to make the decision to start being happy, sort of embracing the whole power of positive thinking mantra, I suppose. And while I don't want to discourage their good intentions, unless their plan is to take a little pill, I think that sort of resolution is setting yourself up for the worst kind of failure. But, on the other hand I guess I should give them some credit for being creative. A google search of the 10 most common resolutions confirmed that I'm entirely predictable. While the results differed slightly, the main ones were the same. Drink less alcohol, lose weight, get a better job/succeed at your job, learn something new/get an educaton, quit smoking, get fit, manage debt, manage stress/get organized, volunteer/help others, spend more time with family and friends/plan a trip. I make at least half of those resolutions on a yearly basis and incidentally, I'm still in debt, totally stressed out, striving unsuccessfully to lose weight, switching between wanting to quit my job and travel the world to freaking about getting fired (depending on the day and the dow), crying about how I never have enough time to spend with family/friends, and coping with all these failures with copious amounts of red wine. I mean, generally speaking I feel enough like a failure in certain areas of my life that I can't really control with the snap of a finger and the magical declaration of a new years resolution. At this stage, I need to start making resolutions I can surely achieve. I need all the minor victories I can get. This year my resolutions include learning more about wine (by drinking generous amounts of different varieties), trying new restaurants (eating like a fat kid at trendy locations), losing 3 lbs (which presumably can be achieved for a day by one bikram yoga session or hell, even wearing spanx and just appearing like I lost 3lbs will probably suffice), presenting myself in a more professional manner (actually bothering to wear makeup to work and going on a shopping spree for new clothes), paying off some of my student debt (I've already put aside some cash for this feat but havent had time to call the loan specialists, last years failure is this years success story!) and train for a race (I train for various races every year). See, the beauty of this brilliant little list is that when saying any (some) of these reasonable goals to an acquaintance, I might actually sound like I've made somewhat legit resolutions. In fact, they probably made some similar (although less realistic and more impressive) ones. But, unlike their big plans of working out 3 times a week or getting a new job in this economy, I'll get a gold star and a pat on the back for achieving almost all of them!
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