(please scroll down and read Part I first, if you missed it yesterday!)
Since that initial solo invite, I’ve experienced a few more. I’ve also received quite a few invitations granting me that coveted plus one (to which I, incidentally, still placed a single 1 on the reply card). Getting a plus one and realizing you have no one to bring to a wedding is almost as mortifying and anxiety-producing as not receiving the plus one in the first place (see later installment – “Your gay best friend, your second cousin, the homeless guy on the corner, and your brother (if he does not look that much like you) - the options when you do score that coveted plus 1”). However, I will happily take that anxiety over the scarlet S that comes with the lack of the "and guest". I understand that most blushing brides who choose to rob you of your dignity (okay that's dramatic, but...) do so in the interest of saving money and making more room on their guest list for those people they really want there. Phrases such as "you can’t imagine how expensive a wedding is" are both common and highly insulting (are you suggesting I lack imagination or simply assuming I live in a cave and have not been privy to far too many conversations about weddings and the costs of this and that?). I get that it’s expensive, I do. I also get that it’s “your day”, and hey you deserve "your day" and to have the people you want to spend "your day" with there. And, yes, I of course, understand that every situation is different and perhaps this doesn't apply to you because of xyz - this blog is a general rant. But I’m sorry, from my perspective, it’s sort of hurtful and frankly, a little tacky. End of story. And, lets be honest, from an "avoid inviting people you don't know or care about" angle, is having one of my friends who you've known for years in a picture or two more offensive than another friend's boyfriend of four months that you've never met, just because he doesn't have the boyfriend label? Once someone is over the age of 18-25 (fill in your age of choice, I haven’t fully committed to one yet), they deserve the option of bringing a date to a wedding. To me saving – what? $200? at the risk of making someone - who is supposedly important enough to be on List A – feel uncomfortable, sad, and sometimes dread attending, is simply not worth it. I will certainly choose simply not inviting some B List contenders over risking making those I actually really want to share my day feel unwelcome or bad about themselves. Although, chances are I’ll also pull a “27 Dresses” type maneuver and pay it forward, if I was invited without a guest to someone’s wedding, they will be invited without a guest to mine. Imagine that awkwardness – No, I’m sorry you can’t bring your husband. How do you like them apples? As I alluded to before, 8 times out of 10, if you gave me that plus one I wouldn’t bring a date anyway. This is an "it's not the point, it's the principle" line of reasoning and I recognize many people might find it ridiculous, but I am ridiculous, so it is what it is. The thing is I’m insulted that you assume I might pick up some random dude or bring the guy who works at 7-11 to your wedding. I’m not a total asshole, usually. So in the end chances are you get the same result but you don’t cut me down, in the process. I’ll concede that guys are a little trickier because it’s a toss-up between whether they will use their "plus one" as a big fat pick-up line (hey pretty lady, what are YOU doing 3 Saturdays from now?) or whether they will rely on the single bridesmaid stereotype and fly solo anyway. But, guys for sure think I’m being dramatic when I step up on my soapbox anyway, so do what you want as far as they’re concerned.
So back to the topic at hand; how to deal when you don’t get that plus one. The way I see it, you have a few choices: (1) You can show up at the event with a big smile on your face and appear ready to make the most of it (or something), (2) you can pout and spend the evening making snide remarks to anyone who will listen (I'd like to say I'm above this), or (3) you can simply not go. Don’t ever underestimate option 3. While I’m certainly not proposing you spend your evenings alone on your couch, eating bon bons (what ARE bon bons?) and avoiding life, sometimes not going is the right choice. Since that plus one seems like such a no-brainer to me, it’s possible that sometimes the lack of it suggests the degree to which your friend cares if you show up. Perhaps you were an obligatory invite but the truth is she’d prefer you sat this round out anyway, then by responding no you are not only saving face, you are doing her a favor. Why, you’re welcome. And sometimes, you simply have to weigh your priorities, turns out it IS okay to say no once in awhile. If you do choose to go (and I usually do), here are a few tips. Never show up without a camera. Playing photographer and documenting all the moments you are forced to sit out of is an underutilized mask, you can use awkward moments as opportunities to hit the playback button and review your masterpieces. Under no circumstances should you drive to the wedding. Alcohol is an extremely important tool and by the end of your night the bartender will be your best friend. Bartenders tend not to be huge fans of people drinking diet coke, so write down a number for a cab and get drinking. That brings me to my next tip. Always have a car service or taxi company in your cell phone ready to dial at a moments notice. Do your research, find out how long in advance you’ll need to place the call so you aren’t stuck waiting awkwardly around with the families of the happy couple and cleaning up with the catering staff. If you find yourself at an especially painful wedding or playing the role of token single person, don’t hesitate to call early. They got your gift already, you can feign illness - if anyone notices - and make it an early night. Do hit on any available (nobody likes a homewrecking slut) men (of legal age) you choose. While your hosts may find your slurred speech and awkward advances embarrassing, that’s what they get for depriving you of a date in the first place and at the very least this will up your chances of leaving the event with a good story for your other friends. And lastly, do look your best and have a good time if you go, no one is interested in your drama at that point and you may be surprised at how much fun you end up having, I know I certainly have been (again not the point, the principle). Plus, I keep hearing these rumors that weddings are a good place to meet men...
No comments:
Post a Comment